8 Tips for Enhancing Self-Esteem
Four-year-olds are some of the most charismatic people you’ll ever meet. Take a four-year-old to the park, and they instantly form new friendships, with kids and adults alike. Take a four-year-old to the store, and you’ll leave convinced that they really do need that new nightlight featuring their favorite TV character.
However, sometime between the magic of childhood and adulthood, that charming charisma often disappears. Why is that? Although charisma allows you to create deep connections with other people, it’s ultimately built on the thoughts you have about yourself. People with lasting charisma have healthy self-esteem: they believe in their own worth.
As you age, your self-esteem can often plummet. You may begin thinking you’re not enough for others to be interested in you. You may avoid applying to a job because you’re not talented enough, or never ask for a raise because you think you’re not skilled enough.
The truth is, you are enough. All of your experiences and knowledge have culminated into who you are today. When you begin to embrace the unique person that you are, your self-esteem is strengthened. Incorporate some of the tips below to start honoring your own worth.
1) Monitor your self-talk
One of the biggest roadblocks toward improving your self-esteem is negative self-talk. We say things to ourselves that we wouldn’t dream of saying to anyone else. When you catch yourself thinking something critical or unkind, consider what you would say to a friend who’s expressing those thoughts. If you’re seriously stuck, call someone who can offer the encouragement you need to hear. Listen and internalize those assurances. Repeat them back to yourself when you feel the need.
If you hear yourself repeating the same negative self-talk in certain situations, create visual reminders of positive self-talk. Tape an index card on your mirror with affirmations; stick a post-it note to your computer with reminders of self-worth. Read each reminder out loud everytime you see it.
2) Be true to yourself
There’s no use trying to fit yourself into a certain mold for other people. Think about a charismatic individual in your life— someone who walks into a room and captures everyone’s attention. I’m betting you wouldn’t label that person as a wallflower. Sharing your quirks- what makes you YOU- honors your individuality, leads to authentic relationships, and helps others remember you.
If you feel the need to hide certain opinions or interests from every single person in your life, you need to considerwhy you’re hiding them and what needs to change. Either those parts of you need to go, or you need to form relationships that allow you to be yourself.
3) Create a like-minded community
Once you choose to be true to yourself, find others who are doing the same. Curate a network of people you can connect with. This network serves two purposes. First, you can see that you are not alone. You are not the only one experiencing certain doubts and fears. Second, your community can uplift and encourage you. They know where you currently are and will cheer on your next steps.
4) Find your voice
Let’s be honest: not every opinion is worth sharing. Plentyare worth sharing, though. When you’re presented with an opportunity to share your thoughts, go for it. I’ve been in meetings where a suggestion I offered was shot down. Ouch. I’ve also been in meetings where others loved my suggestion and ran with it. Now that is a win. Those wins tend to stay with you and remind you how important your ideas are. Bonus points: everyone else remembers those great ideas and holds you in high esteem.
5) Get moving
Exercise is about so much more than losing weight. It’s been shown to improve your mood, and a good mood is an instant confidence booster. Exercise also offers a mental and emotional boost. You’ll feel pride in reaching a fitness goal, whether the goal is a specific step count, weight loss, or moving up a weight increment in your dumbbells. Finally, your confidence will grow as you experience physical changes, such as an increase in strength.
6) Celebrate yourself
Each small victory in your life is a reason to celebrate. The victory doesn’t have to be big, and neither does the celebration. Whether it’s a personal or work accomplishment, you did it!
Better yet, send a text to your mom or your best friend or your partner that you did The Thing. Let them join in the happiness and shower you with words of affirmation. It’s an incredible reminder of how loved you are.
7) Expand your comfort zone
When you expand your comfort zone and start having new experiences, you grow your confidence in different situations. Expanding your comfort zone doesn’t have to be a huge event. I know a woman who started going to the gym but had no idea how to use most of the machines. She’d start each gym session on the treadmill and watch someone else use an unfamiliar machine. Each observation gave her the chance to learn a new machine and then go try it out for herself. Eventually she’d expanded her comfort zone to all of the equipment in the gym. Better yet, her confidence in herself had grown 200%.
Get out of that comfort zone. I promise you, all it’s doing is holding you back. Whether it’s baby steps or a giant leap, growth is growth.
8) Stop ruminating
All too often you leave a conversation and start thinking about one of two things: what you wish you had said, or what you wish you hadn’t said. You spend the rest of the day wondering what the other person thought about you based on that conversation.
The truth is, others are rarely dwelling on those conversations. And if they are, they’re busy thinking about what they said, not what you said. Don’t spend any of your time or mental energy thinking about things you wish you could go back and change. Either reach out to correct a comment, or move on and let it stay in the past.
You, my friend, have value.
Recognize your value and allow your self-esteem and charisma to grow.
Leesa Rowland
